"Casino Royale" Live Blog

Casino Royale came out of no where and blew everyone away. Many have said this is the best bond film since Goldfinger and I tend to agree with them. That's not going to stop me from making light of it though. Or at least I'm going to try. This time we start at 1 eastern.

:36 the first bond film without the barrel shot at the opening. as a long time bond fan that is really disorienting

1:37 a taste for the theatrical??

2:12 so it takes two kills to be promoted to 00 status? is that assigned kills or just random murder. I would totally murder someone to be a double 0

2:58 craig's face looks like it's going to slide off there. watch that buddy

3:40 the origin of the barrel shot. fucking awesome

4:08 the graphic of this opening are some of the best the franchise has ever seen. to bad the song isn't quite up to snuff. it's not bad just not great

5:00 also another thing that makes this opening sequence great. it's not naked women all over the place. finally a bond film i can show to a girl and not have to feel embarresed.

6:48 i do like the chorus though. "you know my name" it's bad ass

7:45 political issues in africa is something that the bond franchise has never even acknowledge up to this point

8:25 Le chiffe is a nerd.

9:09 and he's an idiot. as soon as he gets this very dangerous mans money he starts spending it

10:30 rookie spys always fucking things up

11:08 PARKOUR!!!

11:31 bond's personal motto. when in doubt overkill the shit out of it. example. when chasing someone that knows parkour use a bulldozer

12:35 i can guarentee these construction workers are not getting paid enough to actually try and help catch this guy

13:37 this is why casino is so great. classic stunt work.

13:54 lol, bond is pissed and just throws the gun back at him

14:41 bond has to be thinking "this spry little fucker"

15:20 that's not even fair bouncing around like that

15:36 BOND SMASH!!

17:07 ruthless bond is ruthless

17:56 how taught these guys how to shoot. the indiscriminate academy

19:04 James Bond, human wrecking crew

19:51 fancy but not fucking ridiculous

21:30 poor moneypenny it seems she has been replaced by an intern

24:05 finally a really good scene with judi dench as M

24:26 we learn more about bond in this scene then most films put together

25:55 bond's villain sense is tingling

27:06 everyone in the theatre are thinking the same thing as bond. "fucking wreck his car"

28:40 detective bond is detecting

29:45 she is eye fucking bond so hard right now

31:23 lol, M is confused by bond's magic powers. he's a wizard you know

32:57 she seems slightly over dressed compared to everyone else

33:43 you see what we are not being shown here is that they have only been playing for ten minutes and bond has already amassed that stack of chips

35:30 as usual the reboot has the astin marin in it. again

37:07 this dude will not take responsiblity for anything he does. no wonder he has a gambling problem

38:10 i'll admit it. i have a slight man crush on Daniel craig

39:58 and that's why i like craig bond the most. he gets the info without fucking them and goes straight to the job

40:56 such an odd exhibit. is this suppose to be art or a museum

41:44 this dude is good. he got the drop on bond

43:51 it's funny how bond's skill set doesn't not include following someone discreetly

45:26 clever bond is clever

45:45 of course Mi6 uses google. they are only a supreme inteligence agency

48:31 bond really is like a mini hulk. you just can't stop him.

49:50 those poor peoples luggage. i feel your pain

51:13 "that was fun, LETS DO IT AGAIN!"

52:20 "EVERYONE QUICK RUN IN CIRCLES FOR NO REASON"

53:40 sadistic bond enjoys blowing people up

54:37 there is one reason to hate bond. he gets a lot of beautiful women killed

55:22 Q BRANCH! i knew you were in the movie somewhere

57:10 i'm sure they could find a better player than bond he can't be that good

58:01 where is montenegro i'm curious

58:15 don't tease me like that just have a character named moneypenny thank you very much

1:00:00 a battle of wits with a female character? in a bond film? you don't say.

1:00:52 i would like to think vespers break down in mostly true

1:02:57 broadchester, you know in the moore era i wouldn't put it past them

1:04:30 classic burn

1:05:00 i'm not a car guy but that thing is a thing of beauty

1:07:36 eva green looks weird without her eyeliner. it's only because i rarely see her without it on

1:08:43 spiffy

1:09:51 FELIX!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU FELIX LIETER

1:10:10 this guy is really happy about being a banker

1:10:55 i agree that they should be playing backarat and not texas hold'em but i honestly don't care enough to argue

1:13:49 i can't really write anything about a poker game

1:14:48 bond could poop on the table and everyone would wipe out some spoons and have a bite

1:16:27 alright mr. frenchmen with your french mustache i will obey you

1:18:14 it's like she's never seen a gun before

1:19:54 that dude has some really keen eyesight. he fucking loves carrots

1:20:58 she's not a fighter but she's helpful. dove right in there. I'm so proud

1:21:25 there's red on you

1:22:45 ohhhhh personal burn

1:23:14 you are ruining a perfectly good dress. stop that

1:24:39 that's not masscara that's superglue that happens to not be white.

1:26:05 poor le chiffre "i just want to go home to my mommy"

1:27:23 yeah thanks mathus, we can hear you!

1:27:47 poor felix, he's not that great of a poker player

1:29:36 see bond doesn't have to be right all the time. he's still human

1:30:46 mumble-core bond mumbles

1:31:37 see overkill bond. lose poker game, stab a bitch

1:32:37 lol, we're america we don't need money....oh wait

1:33:30 you know when the villain is desperate when he starts poisioning people

1:34:39 the way this is shoot i almost expected a butler to show up and start telling bond to kill his children

1:35:30 see just enough gadgetry to be called a bond film

1:36:47 "made in america....fuck"

1:38:30 he's like fucking houdini!

1:40:15 this is some intense staring action

1:42:44 A 500 THOUSAND DOLLAR TIP!!!!

1:46:41 not the car. anything but the car

1:47:29 they knew exaclty were that bug was.

1:48:20 this isn't a very good torture dungeon. le chiffre is second rate it must be a hand me down

1:49:28 this is how le chiffre tells other men he gay and asks them out on dates

1:51:11 leave it to bond to start quiping while being tortured

1:53:13 if i was torturing somone i still wouldn't cut off their balls.

1:53:50 poor le chiffre he probably has one of the most anti climatic deaths of the franchise

1:54:48 it's a national day of mourning for bond's balls

1:55:42 uh tazer in your back

1:56:46 bond's balls don't work but he'll still lash two sticks together and make a splint for his dick to get an erection

1:58:28 she looks like someone just told her she had cancer

1:59:32 sentimental bond is sentimental

2:00:00 and that was the day bond got an erection again and all the angels in heaven rejoiced

2:01:30 you see this is actually the story of how bond was never a sucker ever again

2:02:35 bond is actually writing his gilligans island fan fic right now. a three hour tour that ended with a shark pit and a nuclear bomb disposal

2:05:20 we get it guys. they love each other. time to move on

2:05:58 BUM BUM BUMMMMMMMMMMMM!

2:07:44 if anyone you see is carrying a silver suitcase rob them immediately. it's full of cash

2:08:58 bond did come to the decision to kill vesper pretty quickly

2:10:41 Do you need a house and or mansion destroyed completely in under five mintues? Perhaps an office building or secret lair? Then the man to call is James Bond! the number is 1800he'll fuck your shit up. That's 1800 he'll fuck your shit up

2:12:38 really a nail gun. that's not even going to slow him down

2:13:37 could all of venice be destroyed like this? seems unsafe. no wonder everyone gets around in boats

2:14:27 it takes a lot of will to drown yourself.

2:15:15 movie cpr. you can't escape it. even in the good movies

2:16:16 he likes to watch. creep

2:17:24 "you've learnt your lesson. B is for Betrayel. C is for Bloody Cunt

2:19:33 P is for really fucking Painful

2:2008 the music punch in here is great.

"Die Another Day" Live Blog!

Die Another Day is the least of the Brosnan Bond films but I do think it can be enjoyed on an ironic level. By no means is it one of the worst but it sure as hell not great. We start at 2 eastern. You can follow live here or just wait until the final version is posted on this page. Thanks.

:08 unlike a lot of people i am capable of enjoying this movie

:22 of course the bullet actually going through the gun is unnecassary

:49 who knew that bond was a surfer in his youth

1:46 "dude this is the worst beach ever" "there isn't even enough space for a picnic"

2:49 why are the other two guys asian. sure they're in north korea but bond isn't asian.

4:51 i should start introducing myself to people like that. "i am zao"

5:55 and when he means mine field out there he actually means that

6:10 i dont' think hover crafts actually work like that. the mines will still go off

7:28 that was a perfectly good helicopter asshole.

8:00 i'm pretty sure he's talking about america and not england

8:29 "quick guys hide the beer, my folks are coming home. you gotta go"

9:39 hovercraft battle. well that's new at least

10:50 whoever made this mine field did a piss poor job. you're actually suppose to put the mines in the ground dumbass

11:40 how did green screen get worse over the years. i didn't even notice it in a lot of ninties movies but now it sucks

12:56 coming to a lot of assumptions aren't you. you could at least look first

13:38 look the song isn't good. but in combination of this opening sequence it works pretty well

13:57 also this was a long time coming. at least bond is actually caught and gets the shit tortured out of him

16:50 look it's raggity anne Bond. he's so cuddly and cute

19:30 this guy sounds like Mako. I miss that dude

20:30 what did they do pump this place with every fog machine they could find

21:15 hi michael madsen, you finally got out of those straight to dvd movies and decided to join the big boys did you.

22:15 you could at least give him a shave

22:39 disappointed M is disappointed with your actions.

24:38 i like it when the interior structure of mi6 is theatrened. makes it more personal for bond

25:36 i can believe bond can do a lot of things, but slow his heart rate enough to actually set off the sensors. no, just no

27:32 "i'm sure i don't look homeless. i'll just walk right into this really nice hotel and no one will kick me out"

28:50 wow a little age in brosnan. still looks younger than connery did in Dr. NO

29:28 the real reason they are there is because they knew bond would get laid constantly. sex tapes make a lot of money

31:18 Casual Bond, for those times you just want to relax

32:28 alright cheech you can put the gun down now.

33:49 see this is still a classic bond film, minus the surfer, it's odd how it goes off the rails

34:27 a revolver? Bond how old school of you

35:31 look austrailians acting like convicts. nice job screenwriters

36:12 ah back when halle berry was somehow relavent.

37:34 i am not the first and i will not be the last halle berry can't act

38:12 this is the longest metaphor for sex even in the bond franchise. they might as well be doing it on the bar's counter at this point

41:00 wow bond really knocked him out. at this point i would assume this dude has brain damage now

42:06 number one rule of secret doors. don't point a camera directly at them

45:32 the slow motion in this film is either evidence that the director didn't know how to handle these scenes or they had a shitty editor

42:35 unnecassary set design is unnecassary

43:17 does halle berry really need plastic surgery. i'm sure she's had enough already

47:58 my god will some one teach these people how to use a green screen. at this point i would actually prefer rear projection

49:42 both michael madsen and his character are drunk right now. whether it's method acting or just a need for an intervention you make the call

50:24 seriously the clash. we've made it this far without them. do we need them now?

51:20 this guy reminds me of walken in a view to a kill. make no mistake, that's a bad thing

52:19 unnecassary cameo in 5 4 3 2 1 oh look it's madonna

54:33 and when she means cock fights she actually means penis fights

55:19 why so much anger? this guy needs to chill

55:57 bond's favorite stagedy. the bait and switch

56:35 if i was bond i would think this guy is insane and that the situation is getting wildly out of hand

57:34 this director isn't very good at action

59:27 if this guy sneared anymore his face would fly off

1:00:51 as many times as bond has gone off the reservation and now he's surprised he's in a place for abondoned agents. you moron

1:01:50 is that a pussy galor shooting target in the back ground

1:03:10 HAHAHAHAH bond at a desk. fucking stupid

1:04:41 old bond stuff. i'm so nostaglic

1:05:32 i want more john cleese bond scenes NOW!

1:06:45 FUCK YOU BOND that was Q's only copy

1:08:39 the ice castle is up there as one of the most ridiclious lair in the franchise

1:08:56 mr. kill? we weren't even trying today were we?

1:09:55 seriuosly if he isn't careful his face will just wip across the room

1:10:43 oh look berry is back. her contract said so

1:11:18 thanks movie for playing the opening theme again in the back ground. you know because i didn't here it the first time

1:13:24 the sex metaphors here are ripping holes into other dimensions

1:14:20 it's the worlds largest jiffy pop!

1:14:47 bond films based around gold good. bond films based around diamonds bad

1:16:25 "hey do you hear a car engine" "yeah i do" "do you see a car" "no i don't" "i guess we're just hearing things" "yeah that must be it"

1:17:32 only the writers of a bond film would still think the power glove is still cool

1:18:45 i wonder if folly artists either hate kissing scenes or love them. these scenes always have the worst noises for kissing i've ever heard

1:19:48 that doesn't mean you have to strip naked. you're just trying to get fucked now

1:20:58 and they killed halle berry HOORAY

1:22:02 a yo mama joke in a bond film. so 90's of them

1:24:17 there is no reason to have this many lasers in one room

1:25:24 well that can't be a pleasant way to die

1:26:28 now your being just cruel

1:27:03 oh look the title of the movie. FOUND IT!

1:28:28 random betrayel is random

1:28;43 then why make a ice castle

1:30:58 think of bond as the road runner. it all makes sense now

1:32:27 he snears so hard!

1:34:06 "...and careful. the floor is missing."

1:35:46 "Oh thanks for bringing me a snowmobile"

1:37:24 one of the down sides of an invisible car. people can still run into it

1:38:00 Initiate Insane Car Battle!

1:38:46 jinx it's an ice castle. just breath on it hard. it will melt

1:41:24 this is becoming stupid. physics is not happy

1:42:50 now your just adding insult to injury

1:43:33 let her die bond. no one cares.

1:44:35 movie cpr is usually really bad. but once again they're not even trying

1:46:48 i feel like mr. yellow somehow got into the nsa

1:48:42 there is very little reason for a white guy to wear a north korean uniform.

1:50:30 i'm sorry i just can't take you seriuosly with that thing on

1:51:51 touching peoples faces in any form or in any relationship is creepy

1:53:00 the prop master should be shot. that thing looks stupid

1:54:25 people just getting knocked out left and right

1:56:04 "In today's weather there was a front of raining men"

1:57:05 there is a lack of clothes here for nearly zero reason. not complaining though

1:58:52 CHICK FIGHT!

1:59:46 why the slow motion. it's not even worth it

2:00:52 he doesn't need a parachute. he snears so hard he could fly

2:02:36 in any situation this is a bad idea

2:04:15 and why are the diamonds in the helicopter and not in the planes safe?

2:05:41 fake out ending is fake

2:06:47 how many scenes in a row do we need of bond getting it with a women. it's kind of nausiating

2:07:30 those aren't diamonds that's just dust....unless they ground them into dust with their fucking. ugh. fuck you bond fuck you

"The World is not Enough" Live Blog!

As the third of the Brosnan Bond's The World is not Enough is often looked down about about it's random nature. Personally I still don't believe its a bad film just an average bond film. We start at 2 eastern.

1:11 eventually bond is going to learn not to use his own name

1:26 lol he means her breasts.

2:26 this is the unfair part. no one knows about bond's gadgets it's just cheating now.

3:37 whatever those guys are saying out there they are pissed!

5:05 cigar burn

6:02 at this point M and Bond are just drinking buddies

7:15 well this is going to wreck havoc on M's monthly budget

8:07 why was Q building this boat on the third floor. wouldn't you want to build it in i don't know a dock

9:50 bond don't give no shit about your machine gun!

10:13 why the hell is this chick armoured to the teeth?!

11:08 you know i just realized that brosnan started the whole tie straightening thing. i always attributed it to all the bonds

13:19 i do think the main problem with this film is the pacing. this opening sequence is very much the evidence of this

16:07 the song is ok but i do think the sequence itself is fairly imaginative

17:42 with a name like elektra there's no way she's evil

18:30 i do like the fact that M is more of a character in this film instead of the boss that shows up at the bookends of the film

19:24 "in return i'll give you some of the sex time"

19:40 and it works. fuck you bond fuck you

20:38 poor Q he's finally gone senile. there is no way that's a fishing boat

21:05 honestly there isn't a better person i can think of than John Cleese to replace Q

22:52 it was a fitting last scene for Q. it's nice to see that Bond actually cares for him almost in a father figure kind of why

24:10 wow the exchange rates in '99 were awfully stable

24:56 lol at this point that's not even a threat. M actually suggests to bond to go off the reservation all the time

26:19 THE FUTURE!!

27:16 it's an interesting concept on a villain i will say that

28:03 CATFIGHT!

29:00 I have always felt that oil drillers are like fat kids in a donut shop. "GIVE IT TO ME"

29:24 and there is no way that buzz saw helicopter will not show up again

31:06 well that was easy

32:19 this is obviously a hard hat area. this film is stretching my suspension of disbelief

33:22 this chick is not a great actor but she is trying. i can at least appreciate that

33:46 bond? know how to ski? no! there's no way

34:20 i kind of doubt that a company would allow their ceo do shit like this. it's an unsurveyed ski slop

35:46 guys in black masks, snow mobiles on parachutes? SUPER BADGUY'S HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

36:50 again are these things made out of solidified gasoline?

38:14 bond you got to learn to time your quips. if they are negated a second later you didn't get any milage out of them

39:52 "everything all right....no not really...yeah we're going to die"

41:32 this is why i do like this film. it's more of a traditional bond film than even goldeneye

43:27 bond you perve. there's no reason for you to really have those glasses on

44:22 i love valentine. he's a bad guy without being a threat

46:19 so that guy was just getting thrown out then. yeah that always happens in an upper class casino

47:30 an editor out there somewhere should have deleted that line.

48:26 bond is actually trying not to sleep with a woman. he must have gotten kicked in the balls and is still sore. there is no other reason that could even be possible

49:45 at this point henchmen shouldn't be killed because bond screwed with them. that's just unfair

50:50 and he still sleeps with her. one day. one fucking day

51:41 we fucking get it their having sex together!

53:03 what other gadgets does bond have on him that are hidden like that? perhaps a money clip that turns in to a rifle?

54:48 poor dude. he just got a promotion

55:55 is there a situation bond can't fake his way through?

56:18 bond doesn't know it yet but he's actually going to a hair growth for men convention

58:11 wow. denise richards sucks. i forgot. she is really bad

59:28 ummmmmmmm...neither of them speak good russian. and i don't need to know russian to realize that

1:01:52 do not bluff a man with a gun to your head. you're being just stupid

1:04:36 stop defieying the laws of pychics bond. no one thinks your cool

1:06:38 that is a cool moment. not the dialog but bond shooting the glass

1:07:30 so the guys that made gta say hi

1:08:14 that was the slowest moving explosion i have ever seen

1:09:45 and M brings an army with her. right? right? ...yeah you'd think so

1:12:52 so M brought two guys and one of them is bond. great plan M

1:13:47 well it's blinking red. that usually means something is wrong

1:14:57 ok that confirms it. denise richards single handedly made this a pretty good bond film to a low tier bond film

1:17:30 thanks denise that's what bond just fucking said

1:18:52 "you know because we have sensors that can detect human life"

1:20:42 shut denise. your words are like dog vomit. nobody wants to see it

1:22:20 "i'm so happy to see you. now we can kill people together"

1:23:27 but bond will save M. it feels like the film is trying to get at something. i'll get back to you on that

1:25:26 to bad he can't feel or get an erection

1:27:20 is she sticking that ice cube into her....never mind, i'll be back in a little bit

1:29:34 oh look it's the buzz saw helicopter that i saw earlier that i thought in no way would come back and bond would have to destroy

1:30:46 i hate helicopter boss fights

1:32:32 ok these guys are just having fun now. they don't even care about bond

1:34:41 ugh, that's nothing but fish eggs. fucking disgusting

1:36:19 really a insurance company joke. this movie is filled with them ugh

1:37:40 even denises character is useless at this point. couldn't have bond let her get chopped in half by the buzz saw helicopter

1:39:22 really M couldn't have gotten that. there was is a lot of stuff in that room

1:39:41 you see macguyver is M's nephew

1:42:15 yeah to bad you're going to die and not enjoy any of it

1:42:59 denise richards just looks bored. or confused as to why she is there. either way she still sucks

1:44:22 a classic torture scene. kick ass

1:45:14 well she was a good villain until she started monologuing. isn't that how it usually goes though

1:48:02 goodbye valentine. we'll miss you

1:50:07 in the end bond is a killer. that's what makes him tragic. he can't be anything else

1:51:51 so this sub has a nuclear rod making machine. i'm really questioning the science here

1:55:53 you know never mind all the radiation. i brought sunscreen.

1:57:24 the lesson here? never trust denise richards to do anything

1:58:27 no fucker! let her die!

1:59:43 he is james bond. lying is what he kind of does

2:00:15 there is nothing phalic about this at all

2:01:19 yeah i know he can't feel pain, that really looks like it hurts.

2:02:42 "oh and never mind i've been a stupid bitch"