Friday, February 11, 2011

"Die Another Day" Live Blog!

Die Another Day is the least of the Brosnan Bond films but I do think it can be enjoyed on an ironic level. By no means is it one of the worst but it sure as hell not great. We start at 2 eastern. You can follow live here or just wait until the final version is posted on this page. Thanks.

:08 unlike a lot of people i am capable of enjoying this movie

:22 of course the bullet actually going through the gun is unnecassary

:49 who knew that bond was a surfer in his youth

1:46 "dude this is the worst beach ever" "there isn't even enough space for a picnic"

2:49 why are the other two guys asian. sure they're in north korea but bond isn't asian.

4:51 i should start introducing myself to people like that. "i am zao"

5:55 and when he means mine field out there he actually means that

6:10 i dont' think hover crafts actually work like that. the mines will still go off

7:28 that was a perfectly good helicopter asshole.

8:00 i'm pretty sure he's talking about america and not england

8:29 "quick guys hide the beer, my folks are coming home. you gotta go"

9:39 hovercraft battle. well that's new at least

10:50 whoever made this mine field did a piss poor job. you're actually suppose to put the mines in the ground dumbass

11:40 how did green screen get worse over the years. i didn't even notice it in a lot of ninties movies but now it sucks

12:56 coming to a lot of assumptions aren't you. you could at least look first

13:38 look the song isn't good. but in combination of this opening sequence it works pretty well

13:57 also this was a long time coming. at least bond is actually caught and gets the shit tortured out of him

16:50 look it's raggity anne Bond. he's so cuddly and cute

19:30 this guy sounds like Mako. I miss that dude

20:30 what did they do pump this place with every fog machine they could find

21:15 hi michael madsen, you finally got out of those straight to dvd movies and decided to join the big boys did you.

22:15 you could at least give him a shave

22:39 disappointed M is disappointed with your actions.

24:38 i like it when the interior structure of mi6 is theatrened. makes it more personal for bond

25:36 i can believe bond can do a lot of things, but slow his heart rate enough to actually set off the sensors. no, just no

27:32 "i'm sure i don't look homeless. i'll just walk right into this really nice hotel and no one will kick me out"

28:50 wow a little age in brosnan. still looks younger than connery did in Dr. NO

29:28 the real reason they are there is because they knew bond would get laid constantly. sex tapes make a lot of money

31:18 Casual Bond, for those times you just want to relax

32:28 alright cheech you can put the gun down now.

33:49 see this is still a classic bond film, minus the surfer, it's odd how it goes off the rails

34:27 a revolver? Bond how old school of you

35:31 look austrailians acting like convicts. nice job screenwriters

36:12 ah back when halle berry was somehow relavent.

37:34 i am not the first and i will not be the last halle berry can't act

38:12 this is the longest metaphor for sex even in the bond franchise. they might as well be doing it on the bar's counter at this point

41:00 wow bond really knocked him out. at this point i would assume this dude has brain damage now

42:06 number one rule of secret doors. don't point a camera directly at them

45:32 the slow motion in this film is either evidence that the director didn't know how to handle these scenes or they had a shitty editor

42:35 unnecassary set design is unnecassary

43:17 does halle berry really need plastic surgery. i'm sure she's had enough already

47:58 my god will some one teach these people how to use a green screen. at this point i would actually prefer rear projection

49:42 both michael madsen and his character are drunk right now. whether it's method acting or just a need for an intervention you make the call

50:24 seriously the clash. we've made it this far without them. do we need them now?

51:20 this guy reminds me of walken in a view to a kill. make no mistake, that's a bad thing

52:19 unnecassary cameo in 5 4 3 2 1 oh look it's madonna

54:33 and when she means cock fights she actually means penis fights

55:19 why so much anger? this guy needs to chill

55:57 bond's favorite stagedy. the bait and switch

56:35 if i was bond i would think this guy is insane and that the situation is getting wildly out of hand

57:34 this director isn't very good at action

59:27 if this guy sneared anymore his face would fly off

1:00:51 as many times as bond has gone off the reservation and now he's surprised he's in a place for abondoned agents. you moron

1:01:50 is that a pussy galor shooting target in the back ground

1:03:10 HAHAHAHAH bond at a desk. fucking stupid

1:04:41 old bond stuff. i'm so nostaglic

1:05:32 i want more john cleese bond scenes NOW!

1:06:45 FUCK YOU BOND that was Q's only copy

1:08:39 the ice castle is up there as one of the most ridiclious lair in the franchise

1:08:56 mr. kill? we weren't even trying today were we?

1:09:55 seriuosly if he isn't careful his face will just wip across the room

1:10:43 oh look berry is back. her contract said so

1:11:18 thanks movie for playing the opening theme again in the back ground. you know because i didn't here it the first time

1:13:24 the sex metaphors here are ripping holes into other dimensions

1:14:20 it's the worlds largest jiffy pop!

1:14:47 bond films based around gold good. bond films based around diamonds bad

1:16:25 "hey do you hear a car engine" "yeah i do" "do you see a car" "no i don't" "i guess we're just hearing things" "yeah that must be it"

1:17:32 only the writers of a bond film would still think the power glove is still cool

1:18:45 i wonder if folly artists either hate kissing scenes or love them. these scenes always have the worst noises for kissing i've ever heard

1:19:48 that doesn't mean you have to strip naked. you're just trying to get fucked now

1:20:58 and they killed halle berry HOORAY

1:22:02 a yo mama joke in a bond film. so 90's of them

1:24:17 there is no reason to have this many lasers in one room

1:25:24 well that can't be a pleasant way to die

1:26:28 now your being just cruel

1:27:03 oh look the title of the movie. FOUND IT!

1:28:28 random betrayel is random

1:28;43 then why make a ice castle

1:30:58 think of bond as the road runner. it all makes sense now

1:32:27 he snears so hard!

1:34:06 "...and careful. the floor is missing."

1:35:46 "Oh thanks for bringing me a snowmobile"

1:37:24 one of the down sides of an invisible car. people can still run into it

1:38:00 Initiate Insane Car Battle!

1:38:46 jinx it's an ice castle. just breath on it hard. it will melt

1:41:24 this is becoming stupid. physics is not happy

1:42:50 now your just adding insult to injury

1:43:33 let her die bond. no one cares.

1:44:35 movie cpr is usually really bad. but once again they're not even trying

1:46:48 i feel like mr. yellow somehow got into the nsa

1:48:42 there is very little reason for a white guy to wear a north korean uniform.

1:50:30 i'm sorry i just can't take you seriuosly with that thing on

1:51:51 touching peoples faces in any form or in any relationship is creepy

1:53:00 the prop master should be shot. that thing looks stupid

1:54:25 people just getting knocked out left and right

1:56:04 "In today's weather there was a front of raining men"

1:57:05 there is a lack of clothes here for nearly zero reason. not complaining though

1:58:52 CHICK FIGHT!

1:59:46 why the slow motion. it's not even worth it

2:00:52 he doesn't need a parachute. he snears so hard he could fly

2:02:36 in any situation this is a bad idea

2:04:15 and why are the diamonds in the helicopter and not in the planes safe?

2:05:41 fake out ending is fake

2:06:47 how many scenes in a row do we need of bond getting it with a women. it's kind of nausiating

2:07:30 those aren't diamonds that's just dust....unless they ground them into dust with their fucking. ugh. fuck you bond fuck you

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