Well here we are again with the second Roger Moore Bond film that, in my opinion, sets the real tone of Bond for the next decade. It's absurd, too jokey, and nearly unintelligible. I know many Bond fans actually grew up watching Moore in theatre's and loved him but I feel that's more nostaglia talking than anything else. Any way I'll be live blogging here on WordPress until it crashes on my as well. I'll be starting at 2 o'clock eastern today and the final version will be posted here.
00:28 hooray they finally centered bond in the barrel shot
:49 isn't it unfair to give him a tray bigger than him
1:15 is a third nipple suppose to be scary. this film certainly thinks so
2:30 they must really like tobasco sauce around here.
3:35 this was the dudes first mistake. he should have just fired when he had a chance. now it's a game and he's going to get shot in the head.
4:17 "it's locked" thanks asshole. i didn't figure that out when i tried to fucking open it.
4:45 so when people are going into funhouses at the carnivale it's really an assassin simulator?
5:38 this is the sad thing about this film. I've always thought a bond film were he goes up against a similarly trained assassin would be awesome. an epic cat and mouse game. this film tries to be that but fails with all it's humor and stupid situations
7:15 you know i'm sure the creepy narration isn't helping much
7:35 WHAT DID I TELL YOU!
8:01 if the deal is to kill scaramonga why doesn't knick knack just shoot him in the face while he sleeps.
8:42 i kind of enjoy this song. i wish they cut out the opening sequence for something else and let the song tell scaramonga's character
10:55 that was an awkward moment. seems like Bond interuppted a circle jerk
11:59 you know from all the shit bond had put m through you'd think he'd be happy that scaramanga is trying to kill bond
12:57 this is the bond franchise trying to be current. all it does is date the film...oh wait...
13:53 i like at this point m doesn't give bond orders he just gives him a vacation and hints at what he should do
14:59 why would anyone put a used bullet in their belly button. seems unsanitary
15:55 "i have the largest boner you have ever seen!"
17:11 that's is horribly unsanitary. what does this woman do for a bath? empties used needle juices into the water?
18:40 "OLD HULK SMASH"
19:46 Bond should know by now not to get in a cab. i'm beginning to think bond is just insane
20:23 Yeah Bond! what he said!
20:44 and when he says what it went through to get there he really means he pooped it.
21:42 ok filmmakers when bond goes to any part of the orient you don't have to add a cliche twang to the bond theme
22:32 you know i just realized that in that suit bond stands out like a sore thumb. the man knows nothing of sublty
24:06 only bond would threaten other men's dicks.
25:36 if this was diamonds are forver this scene would have went on for ten minutes and had five steps. isn't effecience awesome
27:01 Goodnight? really that's her name? i prefer pussy galor. at least that's trying
28:18 that guy really likes surprises.
29:24 combined with the music and bond voyeurism here i feel like i'm watching a lifetime film and this is right before the rape scene that the main character spends the rest of the film over coming
30:39 commence the raping
31:29 and this is why women hate bond films.
32:37 what a fucking snear bond put on that sentence. i like pissed off bond
33:18 finally bond's natural element. he should live in a strip club
34:48 if only one lesson can be taken from this film let it be that you should never just a dwarf in a bowler hat
35:59 this must be how knick knack gets his jollies off. he observes scaramanga's kills. super creepy
36:43 "...when i shove it up your ass!"
37:58 he's about to make her stick that gun somewhere that i don't want to know about
38:17 you see the gun here is a metaphor for his dick...in case you didn't get it
40:09 this feels unstable and dangerous....oh i forgot one other thing....and stupid
42:13 and yet you said it all out loud anyway. some times it feels everyone is a little too aware they are in a film
44:24 "bored....bored....bored....bored....bored.....bored..."
44:58 bond don't give a shit 'bout security
45:35 fuck you PG rating! I can see her bush!
46:35 why is everyone treating a third nipples like it's a fucking handicap
48:27 bond feels like the most overdressed person in the film so far
50:00 this feels elaborately creepy and obsessive
50:30 yeah bond i don't think gut punchs will work to well on these guys
51:42 classic bond villain. "don't do it here where i can witness it and be done with the super spy that doesn't fucking die. take him somewhere were he can wake up and defend himself against incompetant henchmen"
53:20 again i feel like i'm watching national geographic.
43:57 clean up ailse three there seems to be a dead man
55:14 and kick to the face. bond don't do this shit!
56:15 i don't know much about martial arts but a lot of this seems made up!
56:36 "why would some one jump out a window like that"
57:18 this is the worst karate school ever. too girls just took down a dozen guys.
57:48 some eleven old boy out there somewhere is masturbating to this
58:35 why would you just drive off without the person you just saved. this is poor planning all around
59:57 and then the kid jumps off the boat randomly. it feels like everyone is trying to bail out of this film
1:00:10 this kid needs to work on his sales pitch
1:01:00 yes because the sheriff in the last film was so funny we just needed him back! fuck you movie
1:02:00 what is with the roger moore bond and boat chases. it's 2 for 2 so far.
1:02:55 can we get back to the real movie now please.
1:03:54 sweet burn!
1:05:00 that's a poor ass gun. you have to assemble it and disassamble it all the time. and it only shoots one round.
1:05:55 racist bond is racist
1:06:35 this is only moore's second bond film but he seems already to old to be hitting on women this young. bond is just a pervy old man for much of the franchise.
1:07:18 Goodnight you can do it! don't sleep with bond! we believe in you.
1:08:21 goddman it goodnight. i believe in you and you've just failed me. you don't have to sleep with him.
1:10:38 that's actually a good point. bond is more lucky than skilled where as scaramonga is just skilled.
1:11:55 lol he doesn't kick goodnight out he forces her to watch him bang someone else. what a dick. at least arrange a threesome
1:13:25 as usual christopher Lee is just playing dracula in every film he's in
1:14:15 be pissed goodnight! you don't have to take it. walk out on him right now!
1:16:55 these two guys stick out just a bit in this audience. just a little bit
1:17:25 his best friend was a bull elephant. i really hope this doesn't turn into a brokeback mountian situation
1:19:18 everyone in this film stands fucking out. how can anyone be spy's here
1:20:12 scaramonga seems very please about himself. it's not every day you get to stuff a woman in a trunk
1:21:31 fuck you movie fuck you. i hate this sheriff character. he needs to die from aids.
1"22"12 thanks sherlock. we really need your hillbilly skills on this one
1:23:15 why would bond even lie about that? who gives a shit who he's talking too.
1:24:33 i really can't say anything bad about the car chases in bond. their usually pretty good.
1:26:22 that doesn't look like a pre planned ramp at all.
1:26:54 that would have been an awesome stunt if they didn't put in that fucking sound effect.
1:28:52 i don't think his jurisdiction reaches here
1:29:25 CARPLANE! THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!
1:30:09 they really dont care about anything he is saying
1:32:45 so bond is also an expert pilot. check
1:34:01 nice landing bond. riding the edge of calling it crashing.
1:35:45 well that was mean. it's all over knick knack face now
1:37:32 so scaramonga has a power plant in his house. with a bunch of joker making vates of liquid. this seems completely safe.
1:39:37 i'm really confused on why all of this is in his house. if you were going to profit off this tech then why wouldn't you build it on the main line so you could route all the power lines into it easily
1:40:46 doesn't seem like scaramonga knows much about his own doomsday machine?
1:42:01 oh look they made him a tiny kitchen. how nice of them
1:42:21 "no concealed weapons." that's why you think scaramonga
1:42:51 she is truely horrible at spy speech
1:44:45 see this is the sad part. all this build up for a simple duel. these two should have met on some kind of battle field. this is just dull
1:45:44 he's not even trying to not look at her tits. i admire his self confidence.
1:46:36 there is so much rape in this film. the lifetime channel is going to have to work over time on this one
1:48:34 if he got a kitchen his own size why couldn't he get the console his own side as well
1:48:58 talk about ruining an awesome fight now i have to deal with the fun house from hell
1:50:25 now this is why we love bond. thinking outside the box.
1:52:42 bikini attack go!
1:53:36 well don't act too surprised bond. women are capable of doing other things other things than getting fucked
1:54:45 there are so many design flaws with this entire complex
1:55:05 seriously goodnight stop being stupid. you're turning into bella swann now.
1:55:53 says the man that was beating on the dangerous components with the hilt of his gun
1:58:57 now for the fake out ending. you can see it coming a mile away
1:59:33 seriouisly goodnight you don't have to fuck him....oh goddman it fine. but i hope you don't enjoy it.
1:59:58 awh....sad knick knack is sad
2:00:48 is this really how we want to end the movie. a midget fight?
2:02:45 WHAT? that confirms it M is pyschic.
2:03:37 you're such an asshole bond you make M listen to you fuck and you cage knick knack on top of the ship.
Well that does it tune in tomorrow at the same time for the spy who loved me.
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