Alrighty then. With the new year and the announcement of the new Bond film release date I have been reinvigorated to start up the Live Blog marathon. I can’t do it here but you can follow here on the Tumblr account. If you know of a better way to do this I’m all ears. It begins at 2 o’clock eastern.
5 minutes to go.
:37 any bond film that has a scene that actually takes place in space is never a good sign
1:33 he’s out? no shit
2:34 some one shoot a very slow extremely large bullet at them
2:57 this is vaguely sexual. their being swallowed by a gaint space penis
3:54 what kind of conferance room is this?
4:20 of course the uk is the negotiator between russia and the us. because they are the best ever
5:08 that’s racist bond. why do chinese girls taste different? who do you think you are?
5:30 they didn’t shoot him because he was a spy but because of his constant punning
6:22 did anyone think for a moment bond actually died there. if you did then i have this nice jacket that locks in the back for you
7:07 I’ll be honest I’m not a fan of this bond films opening titles. i think it’s all the geisha hair
8:23 I also think the main song should be more up beat for bond films. I don’t like any of the slow songs that have come over the years.
9:00 we got it it’s a ship yard you don’t have to have every single ship blast it’s horn
10:08 couldn’t you guys just forge some papers and plant some stories saying bond was dead. this feels unnecassarly elaborate.
11:01 sir i’m sorry but i believe i just stabbed him in the chest. I knew i should have used a smaller knife.
11:57 don’t have a money penny scene unless you actually want to say something. her character is way underused throughout the entire franchise.
13:11 no one said to burn it you asshole!
14:22 LOL I’M SMART!!
14:47 so we’re just killing bond again. that’s cool i guess.
15:33 in case you didn’t know we’re in japan. you know with all the asian people and horrible stereotypes.
16:18 it’s the asian stooge Curly
16:40 in case you didn’t know we were in japan here are some sumo wrestlers. in case you didn’t know. we’re helpful
17:19 Bond is confused at to what is going on
18:12 bond you have laid more woman than god. why the fuck can’t you talk to a girl that is obviously here for you
19:10 fucking racist music letting us know we are in japan. FUCKING STOP IT! i KNOW WE ARE IN JAPAN!
20:08 Mr. Henderson sounds like a pimp.
20:58 you know that would have been some information that the audience could have actually used.
22:40 BOND SMASH!!
23:30 bond you where two feet taller than that dude. something tells me that dressing up as him isn’t going to work.
24:28 this is the dumbest henchmen ever.
25:25 this is a really cool office. could you guys move over there. you’re blocking my view.
25:51 yes stuff him in the liquor cabinet. nobody will find him there.
26:35 it’s nice that bond is able to fit every gadget he could ever need up his own ass and pull out at a moments notice.
28:07 you know bond that if you fake your death you should keep a low profile and not shot up a office building
28:42 if you’re a spy and you’re a woman never EVER wear high heels.
29;29 why in the bond universe do people have secret slides directly into their office.
31:11 why does this guy live in a bunker. and how the fuck did he get a privete fucking train
32:00 bond you’re suck a smart ass. just drink the fucking sake.
32:53 dude he can hear bond ask about the photo you don’t have to yell orders like that
33:23 and when he means possessions he means sex slaves
33:48 how fucking sexist can you be? jesus fucking christ.
34:23 this is getting ridicilous will one of these women slaughter both of them . they deserve it.
35:16 “She’s very sexiful.” WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN!!!!!!!
35:47 i figured it out. all these woman are high as kites. they have no idea what’s going on.
36:50 three and half minutes early. the japanese take being on time a little to seriously.
38:23 “…and woman you most likely bang later.”
39:56 and when he means a healthy chest he means massive tits.
40:36 that’s kind of a rash dissicion.
41:59 I’m pretty sure bond it’s blitzed as well. he’s taking this whole chase very calmly.
42:30 realy that’s the plan. why not a couple of guys with guns to shoot them as they pass. but no we need a helicopter with a massive magnet on it and then dumb it in the ocean. you guys are assholes.
44:10 i hate code words for things. they don’t make sense and are suppose to be some kind of joke to the audience.
44:55 what is this the asian version of jets vs. sharks.
45:48 that’s actually kind of a cool shot.
47:10 finally a woman that will slap bond for his random sexism.
47:35 and evidently she’s a dentist
48:00 of course bond is just saying “why won’t you have sex with me?”
49:30 that was an expensive dress. and then of course he bangs her. FUCK YOU BOND!
50:10 it’s the bond version of charlie! WILDCARD BITCHES!!!
51:05 this movie is so random
53:00 why would anyone make a combat helicopter that small.
54:03 bond you officially look stupid.
55:41 HELICOPTER BATTLES!! cue bond music
56:33 the big problem here is that if these guys didn’t chase bond he would have never discovered the secret base. why didn’t they just let him pass?
57:22 i will say this is one of the better uses of the bond music even though this fight looks really stupid.
59:21 great more space penises
1:00:19 it’s a space penis eating a space penis i wonder of sean connery wrote this himself.
1:02:00 I give you one of the biggest sets ever made.
1:04:06 spectre is a little too well funded.
1:05:34 i feel like i’m watching the footage to a documentary
1:06:23 petting a cat like that tells me you have serious mental issues.
1:07:08 guys he just showed you the evil piranha pit. I would agree with him
1:07:58 they new bond was dead because his picture was in the paper. so why didn’t recognize his face?
1:09:58 i want to go to a ninja training school!
1:10:43 these guys make so much noise when they fight i think they all have to poop
1:11:40 one ninja is sneaky. 100 ninjas are not.
1:12:05 baby rocket? why not make a small gun
1:13:04 this is the most racist thing ever put to film.
1:13:30 nice japanese accent bond. i see you’re trying real hard on that one.
1:14:15 see this guy is sneaky. if there were a hundred of him i don’t think it would work very well seeing as there would be a hundred fucking ninjas everywhere. hey guys is that a bunch of ninjas over there? It can’t be there’s a hundred of them.
1:15:35 bond you lucky asshole. it’s like death is afraid of him or something.
1:16:33 does anyone for a second believe bond is asian?
1:17:24 there is something very wrong here. no one seems to care that chick died last night.
1:19:00 lol everyone is wearing traditional japanese footware except for bond so he’s shorter than everyone.
1:19:46 is this movie trying to be reverant to japanese culture or super racist. I can’t tell.
1:20:07 also did i mention how boring this movie is. everyone is just sitting around doing nothign.
1:20:34 “hey is that guy white?” “i think so” “why is he wearing makeup to look like us” “i don’t know, that’s super racist” “i know right” “we should kick his ass” “we’re totally going to kick his ass”
1:23:06 seriously how many scenes are we going to get of bond sleeping. it’s getting insane.
1:24:24 i feel like i’m watching national geographic
1:25:53 they can hold their breath for a very VERY long time.
1:26:28 this music is driving me nuts as well.
1:26:58 and now she bangs him. BASTERD!
1:29:56 this is going on forever. it’s actaully testing my patience. for the love of god will something happen that’s actually exciting.
1:30:35 i like how bond went ahead and stripped off his asian make up.
1:31:30 Spider-Bond Spider-Bond does whatever a spider-Bond can do. (aka fucking everything that moves.)
1:32:59 do i really need to see the interworkings of every single space launch in this film.
1:34:35 where did these guys come from? the henchmen closet?
1:37:12 FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BLOW SOMETHING UP!!!!!
1:37:57 “shit someone noticed i’m a foot taller than everyone here.”
1:38:39 what would cause a scar like that?
1:39:22 see blofield was doing all of this just so he could see bond naked.
1:39:57 if this is considered intense then NASA should get thier own tv show called “Inaction Action”
1:40:50 I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE VENTALATOR FANS!!!
1:41:21 even the rocket launch was boring.
1:41:53 I don’t care their shitting ninjas at least their ninjas.
1:42:44 i think there should be a better name for the “exploder button”
1:43:16 that cat hates his life.
1:44:00 worst ninjas ever their just standing there getting shot.
1:44:55 i know there is a battle going on but it’s just a punch of shots of dudes shooting guns at each other. It’s not fun at all. ok strike that that was a lot of dudes repelling down into the crater that was kind of cool.
1:47:00 that cat IS NOT HAPPY!
1:47:58 he had a chance to kill bond but didn’t even try.
1:49:03 that’s it. big battles in bond films suck. it should always be personal with bond and he’s taking on everyone. this shit is ridicilous.
1:50:53 SPACE PENIS! IN SPACE!
1:52:05 Blofeld! on the move!
1:53:30 so the movie is over then? please tell me it’s over.
1:55:02 that’s all folks. and that sucked. I’m out.
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