Saturday, January 22, 2011

"Diamonds are Forever" Live Blog!

Starts in one hour!! At least this time this film is crazy bad and just bad bad. We’ll see how it goes.

:45 I like how bond is a one man wrecking crew only in japan

1:31 wow Sean Connery really looks old here

1:47 and hardcore

2:51 this is now on the list of one of the worst ways to die. death by mud

3:53 “of course darling” why did he raise his hands that way?

4:52 regardless of the rest of the film this is one of the best bond theme songs. Shirly Basse of course

6:01 and honestly this seems like one of the better opening sequences too.

7:28 more tits in a pg rated film how did they do it?

7:54 bond and m look like they should be playing bridge together at a retirement home

8:58 i have never liked smart ass bond.

10:00 worst job ever. diamond dentist. digging into miner’s mouths for rocks

10:32 oh right. THESE guys.

11:31 you’re in the middle of the desert in the black of night. what do you think your really going to see

12:49 and then the frolic to munchkin land and murder everyone.

14:02 so she teaches poor children in third world countrys but has no problem stealing diamonds with sociopaths. whatever floats your boat

15:17 MONEYPENNY! is she actually going to do something?

15:40 guess not. fuck. i want moneypenny super spy. can i have that please.

16:13 i don’t believe this tour guide at all. i think she’s making it up.

16:38 “don’t mind the old lady dead body, it happens all the time in amersterdam. they start smoking, then get some hookers and in forty eight hours their face down in the canal.”

18:33 and when he means collars and cuffs he means hair and pub’s

19:30 i will say her body is fucking amazing.

20:27 so why is she changing hair all the time. what does she gain from it?

21:16 i think that’s important info that bond should know. why was it Q ended up telling him. what kind of operation is m running down there

22:14 “Who is your floor?” Sean connery is ACTING!

23:20 geriatric fighting is never exciting. especially in a slow moving elavator

24:00 he wants to “crowbar” him a question. nope that didn’t work.

24:58 i love bond’s sarcasm here.

26:04 who put the sex phone line worker on the airplane intercom

26:30 and when he means for a lady he means for some one with a vagina of which he doesn’t like

27:10 FELIX!! it’s so happy to see you even though your old and fat. another woefully underused character.

28:15 these guys are mobsters at all.

29:20 if your name is Mortin Slumber you kind of have to open a funeral open don’t you

30:31 i wanted him to dive over the table and start kissing bond after that moment

31:00 this is the most complicated way of smuggling diamonds i have ever seen

31:55 after all the times bond has been knocked out i’m surprised he doesn’t have severe brain damage.

32:32 so why are these guys following these diamonds around and killing everyone. they’ve had the diamonds in their possossion

34:05 the word swanky is not one i usually use but for this bathtub scene i can’t think of a better use

34:55 and when he means acorns he means tits.

35:39 worst stand up ever.

36:24 he’s bald. he should just cut it. it’s really fucking distracting

37:03 and when she means nice person she means you’re broke so i’m not fucking you now

37:37 bonds white tux seems really out of place here.

38:00 can’t….stop….staring….at……her…..tits…..

39:05 bond playing craps seems undignified.

39:30 and when she means drink she actually means gagging on his cock

40:35 even if there was a pool she would have still died. just sayin

42:08 ugh. gag. fat old sean connery naked.

44:17 serious bond is serious

44:35 i always felt felix should be the bond for the cia. here he’s just a bureuacrat

46:00 she has to be getting dizzy

47:05 this is a really complicated way to hide and pick up some diamonds.

48:55 that kid that’s smiling in the back. totally has a boner.

49:37 DAMNIT foiled by children

50:05 felix and bond dropping the ball.

50:45 ok that’s kind of morbid even for the darkest of bond films.

52:23 i’m starting to notice that bond seems to let women drive the car a whole awful lot. curious.

53:05 The Whyte house. because he’s names whyte. and he owns a house. and there’s another house of the same name. we’re funny

58:17 sneaky bond is sneaky

57:10 small talk bond is small talky

58:50 that is the biggest no smoking sign i have ever seen

59:25 bond the point of hiding is so that you can’t be easily seen by guards running around

59:58 i have to say the wall constuction in this place is not up to standerds.

1:00:59 if nasa ever made a buggy that looked like that they should have all their funding revoked.

1:01:50 lol three wheelers the most redneck and dangerous vechile ever made.

1:02:33 what is this movie. lets see how many ridicilous vehicles can we make bond drive

1:03:55 redneck cops. i fucking love them. “sonofabitch”

1:04:25 you see bond never considered there might be more than one cop on duty…in vegas.

1:05:13 really the only thing i can think of right now is the final moments in the film Honey I blew up the kid.

1:06:06 i will say i don’t remember this chase from before and it’s actually pretty good.

1:07:40 did bond just defy all laws of physics. he just phased through a wall.

1:08:16 why is she still banging him. and the bed is made of a fish tank.that seems dangerous and unsanitary

1:09:05 and when he means he can vouch for that he means we’ve had lots of sex.

1:10:08 felix threathens him and bond doesn’t even hesitate and walks out the window. classic.

1:10:50 i would hate being in an elevator where the door man narrates the entire ride.

1:11:57 if i had to do that i would hope the people on the streets had umbrellas because i would shit myself.

1:13:33 a hogleg?

1:14:21 i’m betting bond was really wishing he didn’t take that lsd earlier.

1:15:08 science was never your strong suit? blofeld does nothing but science!

1:16:40 what kind of delayed reaction was that? “Oh right, i’ve been shot in the skull with a climbing weapon.”

1:18:13 up to this point bond hasn’t had to deal with trap elavators and yet he immediately assumes it’s trap door

1:21:00 this is one thing i hate about a lot of bond films is that bond is always going to escape from death traps

1:23:00 bond secretly wants to be a comedian.

1:23:32 are they trying to invoke irony here. bond using blofeld’s technology against him

1:24:45 bond is going to need more than five minutes to get up there. he’s just not willing to except that he’s old.

1:26:20 i’m getting a creepy bondage vibe from these chicks.

1:26:50 i don’t think that is an efficeint mode of travel.

1:27:27 what was she waiting for?

1:28:24 there are two of them and one of him why is he capable of overpowering them. their skilled fighters and yet this old geezer can beat them

1:29:43 i actually do enjoy the willard whyte character. he plays the bumbling ceo really well. it feels like he’s the only one that knows what kind of movie he’s in

1:30:40 awesome Q is beating every slot machine. so cool

1:31:23 who likes short shorts

1:31:40 OH GOD WHAT ARE YOU? KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!

1:34:21 oh look a diamond satallite. because the film has diamond in the title. shocker

1:34:55 oh god some one get one this they are approaching north dakota. we can’t let anything happen to north dakota.

1:35:30 shit we just lost north dakota. good thing we have south dakota to fall back on

1:36:35 “oh no i’m on fire!”

1:36:56 holding the world for ransom. that’s it?

1:38:32 that cat really hates his life

1:40:06 worst bond gadget ever

1:40:30 confirmed bond wanted to be a stand up comedian as a kid

1:42:15 at least blofeld figured out bond’s plan. oh and she’s hot

1:42:45 ass crack. female ass crack

1:43:16 OH NO NOT KANSAS!!

1:43;43 why has everyone forgotten that this is james fucking bond. their just letting him walk around and screw with everything instead of shooting him in the fucking head.

1:44:49 why did you give her the tape. she’s fucking stupid.

1:45:15 why is he shooting at the balloon

1:46:06 “it’s a weather balloon” “no that’s a ufo”

1:47:05 and he means activate defenses he means activate defences.

1:48:21 nice job in not being obvious you bitch.

1:49:18 why was no one aware that there was a gaping hole in the room they locked bond in

1:50:15 i hope they don’t show that globe going for the mid west again. i dont’ know if i could take it.

1:51:13 it looks like he stole that boat from darkwing duck?

1:52:55 so bond is going to just keep hitting the boat against a wall gently. great plan bond

1:54:10 so movie over i guess?

1:54:44 you know these henchmen were never really explained. who are they working for. are they freelance. sociopaths?

1:55:47 the cake is lie

1:57:13 flaming food is the worst weapon i have ever seen in a film

1:58:13 “i just blew up a man. can we have sex now?”

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