Welcome to my first live blog event. We’re kicking this sucker off with the first Bond film ever made and possible one of the lesser watched of the twenty plus film franchise. This was back when Bond was still a regular spy and not a super spy. But enough chit chat. Let get going.
0:00:32 Ah the first barrel shot. It hasn’t changed since and for good reason. It perfectly sums up everything Bond is. It’s just the jump across the barrel that the stunt man does is fucking histerical and stupid.
0:01:45 The opening sequence is weird. It jumps from poka dots to jamician dancing to three blind mice. it’s just disoreinting.
0:3:32 I love how british these guys are. they have every stereotype in the book within seconds. THEY’RE SO FUCKING BRITISH.
0:04:34 lol bookcase radio. it’s high tech
0:05:20 Why have all the bad guys been black so far?
0:06:20 What’s great about Dr. No is that it’s actually set up to be a mystery thriller and not an action film that it become later.
0:07:30 I’m geniuely surprised that they don’t show Bond’s face from the start and hide him. It creates a cool mystic around him making the first lines Bond says in the entire franchise all that more meaning ful.
0:08:20 First use of inappropiate theme song. He’s not even in an intense game.
0:9:15 “Amongst other things” she couldn’t possibly be refering to sex could she.
0:09:40 Bond theme music for getting out of an elevator. You know you could slip through the cracks and kill yourself, dangerous business.
0:11:45 Connerys eyebrows seem like their going to wrap around his head if he doesn’t groom them properly
tech difficults just a sec
0:13:40 A 40 percent drop in casualities that’s massive how many were dying before
0:13:55 Fun fact 007 actually prefers the berrata over the walter ppk making it the first gadget bond ever recieved in the franchise.
0:15:37 I want half naked women just waiting for me in me hotel room. Why can ‘t I have that. Damn you god.
0:16:56 he’s getting out of the airport why is the theme playing. is this music just playing in bond’s head at all times. i bet he sings along too. *just reading my newspaper/gotta make a call/oh look there’s a phone/ i’m so lucky*
0:18:38 He’s wearing sunglasses. that makes him sinister and mysterious. Owes knows
0:19:40 the first bond car chase and bond isn’t even driving. he’s just that bad ass. He doesn’t even need to drive
21:04 Bond’s kind of a dick. just flipping dudes left and right.
22:10 LoL he’s dead. Get it? GET IT!
23:10 did these guys not investigate at all before Bond showed up. “We obviously can’t handle this guys. Lets go home”
25:17 And this is why you don’t recommend Dr. NO as the first bond film to watch. He just spent two goddamn minutes making sure no one entered his room. The bond theme wasn’t even playing. We get the song for him buying a new hat but not for actual spy stuff.
27:10 ok all the bad guys so far have been black and now Quarrel shows up and he’s a coward. the sixties were so racist and in the worst kind of ways. bad guys and cowards.
29:00 What Bond didn’t say there was that he loved the way Quarrel smelled.
30:00 He ‘wrasltes’ aligators evidently. that is information everyone needs to know. HEY EVERYONE HE WRASTLES ALLIGATORS!
31:10 I’ve always loved the felix lighter character. weofully under used.
32:30 Sean Connery is just yelling at everyone at this point. It’s not necassary.
34:10 the abuse going on this film is almost intollerable and Quarrel seems to be enjoying this a little too much. He fucking smiled when she cut his face, who the fuck is this guy he’s both a coward and has a bondage fetish
35:50 you know the three blind mice aren’t very good assassins. it might be the blindness.
37:18 these are the days when bond got his information through cunning and smarts and not betting faces in. good times good times.
38:10 it only took forty minutes but we have our first bad guy who isn’t black. look at you your being progressive, your so cute.
39:00 of course the evil island is filled with black and asian men
39:38 God? is that you? why am i in the scary room with the chair. it scares at me.
40:56 so this dude failed killing bond so instead we’re going to send this slow moving spider. Dr. No is gangsta.
41:30 theme music for checking your messages *it’s so cold out/ i wonder if anyone called me/cool i have a new car*
43:25 “I sense a disturbance in the force.”
44:27 did we really need the music to signal every strike of the shoe. it’s not like it was a mutant spider, just a regular spider. I wonder if the spider will have to talk to god now in the scary room with the chair?
46:05 more evil asians great this movie is so god damn racist.
47:40 Quarrel is the biggest fucking coward. also substute “captian” with “masta”
49:16 who fucking talks on the phone like that. it can’t be comfortable.
49:50 *just enjoying a drive/it’s so sunny out/ the wind is in my hair/ i love my new car*
50:30 Careful that movie screen behind you might catch up
51:52 who makes towels like that? it’s like a fucking dress
52:42 He’s sniffy it, why is he sniffy it. and he’s grinning. Fucking creepy
53:45 So Bond is just going for the free fuck then. and the ceiling fan is a weird thing to cut to. is there some sex move called the helicopter i don’t know about?
54:50 and he fucks her again. he must have a business account with viagra
57:50 Bond doesn’t give a shit who you are. He’s just a dick to everyone. Asshole. Can’t a man assisnate someone in peace.
59:40 Look their shooting blue for night. who ever thought that effect actually worked?
1:01:00 did sean connery show up on location for anything. there’s always a goddamn rear projection screen behind him. You know the water isn’t that scary sean it’s just wet.
1:02:35: the only shot from Dr. NO anyone will actually recognize.
1:04:00 Honey Rider? Even in the beginning they weren’t trying to be subtle.
1:06:21 Guys ammo isn’t unlimited there’s no reason to keep shooting at nothing. if no one is there than no one is fucking there you baboons.
1:07:10 “That was a machine gun not a dragon” thank you James Obvious
1:11:32 James Bond Alligator impersonator. Careful i hear there’s a guy around that ‘wrastles’ alligators.
1:12:24 Why did she take her top off. it was a bathing suit. guys at least try and not objectivefy here.
1:13:40 I kind of miss films that introduce a main character over half way through the film.
1:14:26 What’s with the people in this film and spiders. Everyone uses spiders to kill each other. When did this start and why did it stop? Is there a spider assassin union?
1:15:46 that’s it Quarrel is skitzo. there is no way that’s a ‘dragon.’ he probable thinks Bond is the candy king here to save him from the spider assassin guild.
1:17:00 Goodbye Quarrel. You were a coward and a bad stereo type but we’ll miss you calling everyone captian.
1:18:50 this is one chick short of a fetish video. “Yes unradiate me more big boy.”
1:20:00 how did this get a pg rating. they practically just showed her naked.
1:21:45 these are the nicest henchwomen ever. there’s even a mint on my bed. that’s so sweet of them. I’m leaving a tip i don’t care if it’s frowned upon
1:22:57 You’re in a cell Bond. To not think the place is ‘wired for sound’ would make you stupid. wait a second this is James “Punch first’ Bond. Never mind.
1:23:50 so what was the purpose of drugging them. no seriously it never comes up and they just wake up the next day.
1:27:00 Welcome to this episode of MtV cribs were we check out Dr. No’s amazing pad. He’s so gangsta.
1:28:18 No really he is gangsta.
1:29:24 Atomic Power. ONly the fifties and sixties ever used that phrase.
1:30:58 at this point you really do realize that HOney rider really is nothing but eye candy here. the filmmakers literally just dragged her out of the film.
1:34:43 Oh look a man sized air vent in a prison cell. There is absolutely no way anyone would ever ever try to escape through there. it would be too easy.
1:35:50 “Come on out, have a few laughs”
1:37:00 Are these air vents or water vents. Did some one put freddy on the switch again? Goddamn it guys he falls asleep every shift you can’t do that. No, no, no I”ll fix it you keep having your tunafish sandwich. Do you really want Dr. NO down here again crushing things at us. Once he starts he’ll keep going for hours.
1:39:10 Someone needs to tell me if that’s a pink hazmat suit or not. because if it is i’m laughing my ass off.
1:40:19 “Danger Level” so does the arrow point at where the danger level is than? I’m unclear. Can you make the red arrow larger? It would be a great help.
1:41:29 he hasn’t stop cranking that thing. and his suit is filled with air maybe he dreamt of being the stay puft marshmellow man one night and started having fetish thoughts while at his post at the ‘danger level’ crank station.
1:43:00 You know i just realize that I never understood Dr. No’s evil scheme. What is he trying to do here? Blow something up? Sabatoge a rocket launch? He has a gaint glowing orb so is it word domination?
1:44:50 And the Doc goes out like a bitch. And all because he didn’t have fingers. HOw sad.
1:45:45 Sean Connery is channeling his inner William Shatner here.
1:46:21 So were each of those rooms elaborate death traps? Was this a hobby of Dr. NO’s? He just liked building death traps since the tragic loss of his hands. It was either that or start drinking again.
1:48:00 they weren’t out of fuel he just wanted to bang her that evil ass bastard. Seriously Bond’s cock should be liscensed as a lethal weapon
1:49:10 and bonds first film ends with him banging a chick for the second time in a day. way to have goals dude.
And that ends the first live blog event. That was actually kind of fun, and please leave comments. Tommorrow some time after seven I’ll be doing From Russia with Love, so try to be here for that. Good night, I’m out *drops mic*
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