"Thunderball" Live Blog!

Sorry I didn’t give a warning post here but it’s that time again. Honestly if you’re reading this for the first time here you can go over to Screened.com where I update regularly and give all the warning shout outs.

Out of all the Connery Bond films this is the least entertaining one to me. That’s not a judgement of quality it just finds the balance between superspy film and “what the fuck am i watching” that in the end isn’t very interesting. And if memory serves it also started some of the worst trends in the Bond franchise.

00:25 ok the new barrel shot is much better. but going down on one knew is still kind of weird

1:31 even at fucking funerals bond can’t help but try and get laid.

2:33 Bond just smacking bitches all over the place.

2:48 this is totally just an observation but if you’re cross dressing and you have a low cut blouse on maybe you should shave you chest.

3:44 why did he throw the flowers

4:04 up up and away

4:24 still feels like a clumsy get away that back pack was huge.

4:52 how does one exactly “strike like a thunderball” do you roll up some lightinging, is it a just a bowling term, or perhaps thunderballs are the nickname bond gave his own testicles and blugeon people to death with them

6:21 I will say hurray for the classic opening sequences. it only took four movies to get there. better get used to them.

7:08 also all of these woman are completely naked. it’s amazing what they got away with.

7:52 see i know were are in paris because the goddman eiffel tower is in the shot.

8:15 i’m totally loving this dudes eyepatch he is rocking it.

8:52 TECHNOLOGY OF THE FUTURE: HIDDEN DOORS!

9:10 this is the worst conferance room ever. you can’t see the boss, the microphones are oddly positioned, the table is no where near useful, and each chair turns into a slide that goes to the furnance

10:47 sorry their filled with electricty and drops the body into the trash

11:24 what a jackass he’s walking on the table. that’s not cool at all.

11:55 you know it’s a secret tattoo than why put it on the top of your wrist, just asking for trouble

12:36 worthless bond fact #45 Bond is into spanking

13:38 he’s not actually hurt he’s just cosplaying the invisible man

14:08 say this in your best connery voice “I fucking love grapes”

14:41 this is super kinky. next step leather

14:55 a chick that doens’t like bond. I was beginning to think those didn’t exist

15:30 and now she’s strapping him down. do with that as you may

15:55 i feel like this is a late night as seen on tv commercial

16:29 straight from Helga’s house of pain work out videos. only there will you find excersizing machines that force you to be completely strapped in

17:18 she fucking hated him five minutes ago and now she’s fucking him. i almost had hope for her

18:06 what kind of spa is this. all their machines are death traps. with a single broom bond trapped a dude in a dehyrdrator

18:48 My god red head. her tits should get thier own billing

20:05 what a horrible gas gun. it just gasses everyone in the room

20:24 Evil Q scene. fucking awesome

20:43 he really needed the money to go through all of that. and not even for a quarter of a million.

21:43 the invisible man costume was really popular in ‘65

22:19 slick cut for the time period

23:44 he has to be joking. any human with a penis would not leave a naked chick in bed like that. it’s an insult to all men

24:33 I’m really diggin the xylophone sneaking around music here

24:59 I like to think there is someone just off screen playing it

25:21 don’e do it Bond he’ll turn invisible and run away and then you’ve got an invisible madman running around

26:06 Bond you ass. How nonchalant are you going to play this? “I don’t know” my ass

26:52 His mother made him that sandwich

27:56 so they made him go to acting lessons, read files, learn how to fly a plane, get plastic surgery all for twenty minutes?

29:00 “what the flap dawson” i’ve never heard a british person say flap in that context.

30:20 the underwater landing lights looks like asteroids on the atari

31:20 wow he’s just poured into that wetsuit

32:10 dude he was going to soffocate anyway. just cutting his line was a dick move

33:00 oh look their going to play underwater bumper cars

33:41 “Handle like eggs” THIS IS A FUCKING NUCLEAR WEAPONS, who labels a nuclear weapon with “handle like eggs” if i break an egg i get some papertowels, if i break a nuclear bomb i’m vaporized. there’s a slight difference.

35:14 it’s the mermaid addition of the seven dwarfs. hi ho, hi ho, it’s bubbles to work we go

37:17 and now she’s begging him to stay around. it’s sad that we’ll have to wait for decades for an actual strong female lead in these films.

38:10 there is something wrong with your engine. it’s sound like a raccoon in a dryer

38:44 was it necassary to dumb the motorcycle. it’s not like you couldn’t have stored it somewhere

39:27 AAAAAAAKAWARD

40:15 lol inflation. 100 mil lbs is pocket change today

41:16 africa was drawn by a kindergardern on that map

42:30 when he says watersports he means sex. and when he means sex when saying watersports he’s talking about vagina’s

44:05 James Bond: Sex Detective

44:29 Ma’am do you have a liscnese for that turtle?

46:20 tumblr went down but now i’m back

47:20 underboob is hot

47:43 “have some of my chowder” you’re slipping Bond

48:48 “Wait until you get to my teeth?” i thought we had a safe word for that Bond. Mississippi! MISSISSIPPI!

49:39 i think this is the first time we’ve seen Bond gamble since Dr. NO. interesting

50:18 Granny with the sunglass. she’s a superspy too. ugh the image of her fucking hundreds and hundreds of young men just went through my brain

51:28 it’s odd that in Bond films gambling is an actual skill and not luck.

52:57 the only downside to dancing with Bond(he is a great dancer) is the raging boner he gets the entire fucking time.

54:14 I WEAR MY SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT!

54:38 the cut back to the receptionist was to do nothing but establish she wants to fuck him . there was literally no other reason to do that

55:25 sweet the xylophone player is back. i like to think he waits in bond’s room and when he enters begans to play. It’s good pay and the insurance is amazing

56:38 “I just wanted to let you know I WEAR MY SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT!”

57:00 the water heater in this place is amazing

57:45 the third felix we’ve gotten in four movies.

58:31 BITCH SLAP

59;13 and when Bond says assistant he means blowjob dispenser.

59:49 Q is already a joke. awesome and i’m digging the shirt

1:01:27 and when Q says swallow it he means stick up your ass you fuck twat

1:02:19 everyone put your serious faces on. it’s serious time

1:02:50 bond is just showing off his junk now. he might as well go pantless at all times.

1:03:40 underwater bond theme GO!

1:04:20 Welcome to a very special wrestlemania where everyone will be fighting underwater this year

1:06:10 because there is no way bond lived. we found his mask so he can’t be alive. oh and lets not look for a body

1:07:16 and when she says use you safety belt she means I fuck like a bunny

1:09:17 fat helicopter. all the kids make fun of him at school

1:11:02 say in Connery’s voice “I fucking love sharks. Get closer I want to see which one’s are male and female.”

1:12:11 i don’t think it’s proper edicate to take someone’;s gun out of their hand.

1:12:50 and when he says what do you do Vargas he’s saying Vargas WEARS HIS SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT!

1:13:48 i know sharks but i have never heard of that species and those look like baby bull sharks.

1:15:08 SURPRISE!

1:15:25 oh god what happened to the pope!

1:17:07 the lights went out you half blind moron

1:18:25 all bond could think was that he forgotten were he had put the reciept for his blowjob dispenser

1:20:02 why is the henchmen still fighting it’s obvouse they left him to die

1:20:49 Yeah those are Baby Bull Sharks

1:22:00 at this point bond shouldn’t even question the fact that some woman’s clothes are just randomly in his hotel room

1:23:19 all the men in the world haven’t gotten as many free fucks as james Bond has in this last four movies.

1:23:58 and when she says safe she means I just orgasmed

1:25:39 finally an actually evil female character. this franchise needs more of those. and one’s that don’t sleep with Bond

1:26:54 was that superman with a huge box on his head?

1:27:50 the guys with the dice on their head remind me of the warriors. the other gangs don’t like to talk about the Dice Gang

1:28:38 James Bond Hide and Seek Champion 1965

1:30:00 “I want you to know that I’m really enjoying hunting Bond with you right now. This is a real special moment for me, i want yo to know that.”

1:31:09 I would make a parkinson’s joke here but they’ve all been made already

1:31:50 and when Bond says she’d dead he means, oh wait he actually means that

1:34:14 you don’t shot the sharks that just makes them go into a feeding frenzy. lol 60’s ignorance.

1:35:39 Who likes short shorts? James “look at my balls” Bond

1:37:24 I wonder if they call her domino because her entire wardrobe is in black and white

1:37:45 Oh come on Bond you didn’t even have to say anything you just find woman underwater and start banging them

1:38:48 This chick can’t act. and she’s in a bond film. that’s saying something

1:40:27 why do you say this to me when you know i will kill you for it

1:42:14 look at them all excited to go on henchman camp. the smores are delicious

1:42:54 No Bond you were suppose to stick it up your ass. weren’t you paying attention

1:43:45 “That’s a question” And this is a statement. congratulations you recognized a sentence.

1:46:59 “Remember guys to handle like eggs”

1:47:48 If memory serves the rest of this film pretty much takes place underwater

1:48:10 sorry sir we’re closed. Swim back some other time

1:49:45 I’m pretty sure she already realized she was caught. no reason to rub it in.

1:50:38 and when he means much pleasure he means all of their sessions when she would tie him up and kick him in the balls until he yells the safety word

1:52;40 and now Bond knows what it’s like being a penis. being shoved in a dark moist hole can’t be that much fun

1:54:35 oh fuck it’s on. Scuba Battle

1:55:06 SCUBA BATTLE!

1:55:37 and then they move slowly at each other.

1:56:32 SCUBA BATTLE! with scuba battle music

1:57:27 what is back Bond’s a fucking Transformer. Scuba in disgise.

1:59:08 ugh more Connery crotch shots. It’s bad enough i’m watching a scuba battle.

1:59:45 imagine this from that lobster point of view. “What the fuck is going on man. What is this? some kind of….scuba…..battle?”

2:00:50 we get it already, fucking scuba battle.

2:01:50 Lol scuba battle battlefield after the scuba battle. Floating bodies everywhere

2:02:47 Liscense and registration. So son do you know how many knots you were going?

2:03:55 dude you’re just giving them a bigger target

2:04:40 i really want to know how much these guys are getting paid. “So we want you to fire these high powered guns at the military.”

2:05:33 Nipple slip

2:06:29 One kidney shot is enough Bond you don’t have to keep slamming the door on them as well

2:07:26 INCEPTION!! BRAAAAAAMMMMMM!!

2:09:09 and now the dark knight. Nolan must have seen this movie.

That’s it folks. I don’t know when I’ll get to watch You ONly Live Twice but it will be tomorrow and I’ll give a heads up about an hour or two before.