"A View to a Kill" Live Blog!

It's Christopher Walken time!! You can follow live on Word press the rest will be posted on this page later.

:47 THEY'RE RUSSIAN!! i can tell because they speak russian in russia

2:03 I love how agile bond is in his later years

3:12 bond quickly run away from the movie screen! it might catch up to you while standing still

3:39 snowboarding + surfer music = fuck you movie

4:38 they have all the guns in the world. all bond needs is an amazingly accurate flare gun

5:26 oh look it's bond granddaughter! she wants a spy too

6:02 bond! that's you're granddaughter! stop that!

6:23 ok that's kind of hot i will say that. the boobs unfold a little to reveal the logo, kind of smart

7:00 of course the rest of this is shit. and the music is horrendous. anyone who like duran duran should be shot

7:47 AHHHHHHH! 80'S HAIR! IT WILL KILL US ALL!

9:08 seriously mpaa where the fuck where you?

10:29 it's the '80's so robots. deal with it

11:25 i don't 'modern toasters' have microchips in them even today

11:47 so how many 00's have died so far 3, 9 are there any others?

12:19 "so there's no way he's the villain. his name is Zorin for gods sake!"

13:22 if i was a woman i would were that at all times.

14:46 so is this like a school outing for Q and MoneyPenny. they're not really helping and are kind of just enjoying the day

15:29 i guess we're in paris now

16:44 guys the creepy whistling and the random butterfly puppets connected to the guys dressed in all black is not helping the super creepy vibe running through this place

18:42 god ninja's suck in the bond franchise

18:56 I REGRET NOTHING!

20:10 ok bond you're just showing off now. everyone already knows your awesome at everything you don't have to rub it in our noses.

22:04 and when he means squeeze him in he actually means up his ass.

22:42 ummmm is this guy aware that the camera's are on because he is not trying

24:19 what makes her hair do that! some kind of alien gel that you have to get from some star trek species?

25:55 at this point i'm getting tired of the names of women in this series. it's just boring now

26:16 and when he means early riser he's actually talking about his boner

28:52 i'm seeing christopher walken but i'm not hearing him. this is upsetting

29:48 god someone shoot her hair and put it out of it's misery

31:36 goddamnit walken fucking talk to me! whisper in my ear with your beautiful voice

32:20 i respect a man that's rocks a monocle

33:11 ACTIVATE WALKEN MODE!

33:50 he really likes the saddle, it's when he's the happiest

34:11 "...which means i'm actually a villain"

34:52 are they really slowing down the duran duran song into a love song? where's my gun

35:30 zorin and this evil chick are really knew to the villain game aren't they. they've practically told bond that they are up to no good.

36:11 and isn't this suppose to be about microchips and not horse racing

38:37 yeah microchips i should have just waited

39:30 i wonder were the upcoming fight is going to take place?

40:48 rape face

40:58 walken fu!!

41:50 she has to devour men's souls to feed the hair

42:59 OH GOD TURN IT OFF!

43:42 NUDITY CUT!

43:52 bond don't do it. it's only to feed the hair!

45:15 walken is so smart. he made bond look in that direction

45:33 wait wait.... did zorin just cum his pants!!

46:54 the hair doesn't believe you

47:52 evidently BP is spondering A View to a Kill this week. nice to know.

48:56 that horse is like bond's cock. just bucking around wildly not caring what it hits.

49:54 obvious cheating is obvious

50:06 what is this? the horse version of rollarball?!

51:18 "you're not sir godfrey at all!"

52:00 i could hear walken say "you amuse me mr. bond" all day long

52:49 of course he makes the classic mistake of not just SHOOTING BOND IN THE FUCKING FACE!

53:16 I mean come on the windows are eve open.

53:31 at least they were open

53:50 i enjoy macguyver bond. he's always the best.

55:20 he'd still be a rich asshole

56:22 the nondiscriminate mumbling says yes

56:56 zorin is going all goldfinger on these assholes.

58:00 her hair is going to eat him. this hair really doesn't go hungry

58:23 "did that body just fall out of zorin's balloon?" "yeah i think it did"

58:56 hey look it's the name of the movie.

1:00:03 this guy keeps his entire office inside his shirt

1:01:56 why even mention that's it's heavily guarded if you already know you're going there

1:02:16 bummer no pigeon hat scuba disguise

1:04:22 when bond isn't even trying he fucks up everyone's plans.

1:06:17 lol i love watching walken think in this film. he just pauses looks back and forth and then makes a decision. classic

1:07:24 also starring her tits

1:08:07 i think this is a world land speed record for bond getting into bed with someone

1:09:45 goddamnit bond you're old. stop fucking these women. it's unfair

1:10:39 isn't he a russian general? why is he in the feild

1:14:27 i've been bored with this film. nothing of note has happened in almost five minutes now

1:15:22 why is bond hiding his identity. did he not take his medication today or is that alzhiemer's finally kicking in

1:16:37 old men fighting. yes it's boring as it sounds.

1:18:08 and he's a master cook. fuck you bond fuck you

1:20:12 bond don't, just stop, i've seen that look before, do NOT SLEEP WITH HER

1:20:37 so we're slow playing the duran duran song again. thanks movie thanks

1:21:20 good man bond good man. keep it in your pants

1:21:56 if she's broke where is this tech coming from

1:23:11 "and i'm sure they didn't deactivate it"

1:24:58 oh look another sneaking into an office scene

1:25:37 LOLOLOLOLOL

1:26:58 But in case of emergencies always use the stairs

1:28:06 yeah they turned off the power bond you can stop trying the buttons

1:29:00 there are a lot of things in this building that are incapable of burning and yet this is happening

1:31:33 seriously the screeching needs to stop

1:32;23 hero duran duran now! awesome

1:33:35 so he magically knew that was bond's gun?

1:34:45 and she instantly believes him. fucking idiot

1:36:37 really was that even necassary?

1:37:54 this has suddenly turned into Speed 3: Bond Edition

1:39:55 ROCKET PUNCH! it's bond quarter circle attack

1:44:13 i want to be the company that builds all these models for super villains. looks like fun

1:45:04 YOU DON'T DIG UNDER A LAKE! ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID!

1:45:35 DOUBLE EARTHQUAKE! WHAT DOES IT MEAN! IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!

1:46:00 also didn't gene hackman do this in superman 1

1:46:50 walken will have none of this bullshit

1:48:13 and now we are in the goonies

1:48;45 christopher walken as chunk from goonies. GO!

1:50:03 he mr walken why are you exploding the bomb while still int eh cave?

1:51:00 "Christopher Walken open fired on some miner's today..."

1:52:09 i don't think anyone win's in this situation. you either drown, get shot, or electricuted

1:54:04 oh so that's where the blimp is

1:55:18 so she's a good guy now. well that was easy

1:57:16 go wesley snipes go!

1:58:38 where did they get the mine cart from acme!?

1:59:03 bye wesley snipes we loved you

2:00:37 so what is zorin's plan? just hang around in the blimp until everyone forgets he a bad guy

2:03:48 there has never been a scarier villain. walken with a fire axe.

2:05:33 at this point just cut your loses and go home

2:07:37 so Q is just an old man perv. nice. and bond is fucking women that are a quarter his age. even better. fuck you bond fuck you

2:08:14 i'm glad this is moore last film.

"Octopussy" Live Blog!

So here it is, the worst named Bond film in the entire franchises history. I don't think I have ever made it through this film. I always fall asleep and I don't know whether that's my fault or the films. This time I will stay awake though and endure.

1:00 is that suppose to be Castro?

1:16 also what kind of horse exhibition is at a air force base with all THE LOUD JETS.

2:47 ah the classic judo chop never believable

4:03 why the hell were they wearing parachutes on the ground? fear of height i guess

5:11 is that the jet in your trailer or are you just happy to see me?

6:20 all this is missing is wile e coyote actually riding the rocket

6:37 that's bad ass though, you can't argue that

7:10 really he used up all the fuel? i bet Q didn't fill it up on purpose just to be a dick

8:08 WOMAN ARE NOT FOR TOSSING!

8:45 bad song + bad opening sequence = boring

9:45 AGAIN WOMEN ARE NOT FOR TOSSING!!

10:49 sweet! clown death. that always get's people in a better mood

11:52 wow that guy is a fast runner

12:25 oh there's two of them. twins that throw knives. how symetrical of them

13:27 it's a double decker bus so we must be in london

13:50 moneypenny and bond should retire together

14:40 one day i want bond to walk in and not know what the fuck he's just been handed.

16:13 i really enjoy the different conference rooms the bond franchise has been able to poop out over the years.

16;50 ah the new russian bad guy. such assholes. at least the last russian bad guy was getting laid all the time

18:16 why is he walking like that? is he a robot?

19:13 and he pouts in a corner. "now go sit in the corner young man"

21:20 i have never seen an actual thrilling auction scene. someone has to be able to do it?

22:34 of course bond bids with no fucking money

22:55 this is bond at his best. he's just being a asshole in the most badass way

24:18 why is everyone pissed that bond bid on the egg. he fucking lost. no fucking harm

26:21 so the bond song exists in the bond universe??

26:41 bond could you at least try to blend in instead of wearing a bright colored clean suit

27:24 i like bond's contact here. he's just a dude hanging out

28:00 oh look it's another hot chick convention!

28:40 fuck i have to poop. i'll be back

29:30 backgammon really?

31:52 i am really bored with this scene. i know he's cheating. i know bond knows he's cheating. and i know bond is going to win

33:07 why are you threatening him? you just got caught cheating

33:31 great another henchmen that likes to crush things. we don't have a bunch of those already

35:10 fucking ninjas in training man. they haven't taken the sublty class yet

36:00 ummmmmmmm.....no

36:17 what kind of gun is tat. elmor fund wouldn't be caught dead with a gun like that

37:02 "hey can we shove some more indian cliches into this. that would be great"

37:49 why are they quipping so hard in this scene. this is life and death seriously stop it

38:57 and all of Q branch is out there for some reason. kind of a waste of resources

41:00 a little behind the times bond. dick tracy had one of those years ago

41:17 looks like bond is auditioning for MTV's camera crew

42:27 to bad she'll try to kill you as well.

43:17 i really don't buy her as a scrapbooker. i don't know i guess it's just intuition

43:50 again he is way to old for her. it's like she's fucking her father's older brother

44:42 ugh i can only take so much of this

44:53 thank god Mr. Mckillinson is here

46:40 this feels very slave laborish to me

47:35 i'm beginning to realize why i always fall asleep in this film. the pace is glacial

49:47 Q over the years has gotten madder and madder at point. he makes all his gadgets super annoying now.

51:38 another unnecasarily long dining table.

52:27 you guys are discussing truth serums and yet bond is still eating the food

53:00 was the food joke really necassary

53:44 and bond makes his escape in minutes. nice try guys

56:22 that's right folks three full minutes of bond just sneaking around not getting anything accomplished

56:44 in retrospect that last post was dickish

58:48 ah communists you just like to smash things

59:00 oh look it's the body closet

1:00:47 "never mind the live man in the body. i'm still dead"

1:01:30 really you guys dumb the body right outside. that seems unhealthy

1:01:51 really they're just going t hunt him dangerous game style? at least that's a step above most bond villains

1:03:20 and then an elephant steps on his back crushing him. end of movie

1:04:33 ummmmmmm....no

1:05:05 seriously are we trying to throw every animal that we can at bond right now. even in india this is kind of crazy

1:06:25 so no one is going to point out the stupid name that is ocopussy

1:06:50 fuck you movie fuck you

1:07:04 hot girl convention '83

1:08:10 "but your dead. i saw scaramanga shoot you"

1:09:50 that chick must have been from the dr suess section of the hot girl convention

1:10:40 someone is jealous

1:10"50 that's a horrible nickname. and from your father? creepy

1:12:26 so saw yo-yo. nobody told my jigsaw was in this film

1:12:47 hi Q i guess you're fishing then for no reason

1:13:13 this chich really likes octopus's

1:14:42 what exactly is she proposing here.

1:14:56 and now she's pissed. fucking bi-polar

1:15:35 bond the tongue doesnt' belong in her esophagus

1:15:54 and bond solves the situation with sex. asshole

1:16:43 fuck man. he was cool.

1:18:12 this is a really ineffective tool. he always has to be above them to use it. single floor building must be his bane

1:19:13 the octopus is just chillin

1:19:43 LOL THE OCTOPUS IS HUMPING THAT DUDES FACE

1:20:58 i'm actually sad here i really did like that dude

1:22:28 JESUS CHRIST! i completely understand why people are afraid of clowns

1:25:05 i guess i'm not a circus fan. wrap it around some story and i'm in but just the acts in themselves don't impress me

1:26;48 so they want the jewels to invade west germany??

1:30:48 so these knife throwing twins just wanted to be evil one day i guess. i wish i got more henchmen backstory's

1:32:48 and this is why everyone knows who bond is. he just fucking tells everyone

1:34:33 wow this is the first time i think i've ever seen bond ppk run out of bullets

1:36:38 GET OUT OF THE WATER! IT'S RAINING CARS!

1:38:04 I do like the fact that they are showing that not all communists are not evil assholes

1:40:07 at no point in time should james bond be in a gorilla suit. fuck you movie fuck you

1:41:35 finally a "top of train" fight. this is bonds first

1:43:40 dude stop swinging. stabbing motions. stabbing motions

1:45:17 dude if your that good at throwing knives just put on in the back of his skull. at this point i don't know whether bond is lucky or he goes up against the most incompetant poeple

1:46:45 wow assholes. i wish bond had a gun. he could just shoot them there and then. no one would ever know

1:48:13 sometimes a super spy just can't get a break

1:48:26 well that's what you get for leaving your keys in the car bitch

1:50:33 americans are so easily amused!

1:52:46 clown bond. that's just what we fucking need

1:54:25 fucking clowns always in the way of a nuclear deactivation

1:55:36 pussy bitch is pissed. she's going to fuck up some fools

1:56:54 GOGO GYPSY GIRL ARMY!

1:57:34 it was a sad day for men with boners. we will never forget

1:58:58 "i sense disturbance in the force"

1:59:45 i wonder if that's james bond in the gaint ass british flag hot air balloon

2:00:10 this has to be the lamest fight ever. fucking circus gyspy women assassins

2:01:12 fucking cool!!

2:02:23 Q is pimp!

2:03:25 wow this is some great stunt work here

2:04:40 and he still does it? what is this guy getting paid!? holy fuck

2:05:26 no seriously this is perhaps some of the best stunt work i have ever seen outside of some martial arts films

2:07:23 yeah i was about to say when did bond hurt himself?

Well that's it. bad movie but great stunt work

"For Your Eyes Only" Live Blog!

I’ll admit that at this point in the marathon I start phasing out, however I have never live blogged the marathon before so I’m actually going to have to pay attention. I’ve been told this is one of the better Roger Moore films but i’m usually asleep half way through. Let’s see what happens. I’ve started to live blog over on on Word Press. So i you want to follow along live that’s where you’ll have to go. just search James bond Live blog

:23 ugh i hate the revisionist bond theme

:47 ugh again, why are these filmmakers always coming back to the worst bond film. stop it! no one likes it.

1:42 never a good sign.

2:00 that’s right bond never had to deal with spectre and blofeld. i guess they had to do soemthing eventually

2:58 blofeld could never do anything simply. he could have just put a bomb on the copter and been done with it

3:42 in his spare time blofeld is a champion remote control pilot

4:23 i miss classic stunt work

5:35 and in his spare time bond is a champion helicopter pilot

6:02 at a certain point there should be some kind of contract which states that after so many evil acts you are not allowed to beg for your life. it’s just rude.

6:47 A good song for the time but i still don’t think it fits the bond universe. good intro though

8:38 just cooked my hand on the oven getting my pizza. this is going to fucking hurt in about ten minutes.

9:39 this week on the deadliest catch a certain british super spy decides to drop in

10:37 why are the brits tracking both american and russian navel activity. i knew they were just pretending to be our friends. basterds

11:40 you know in an emergency situation i don’t want screaming alarms in my ear

12:31 jesus guys you’re one scream close to a snuff film here

13:47 “proceed with the sexing comrade”

15:07 i feel like i’m watching a rich families vacation footage

16:16 i guess the vacation is over than huh guys?

16:50 why hello there, can you see me? you sure are looking straight into the camera you must see me

17:28 bond and moneypenny actually look like they could be a couple now their both old

18:19 hence why submarines suck. they get an order they just do it. so many easy ways to sabatoge them

18:55 oh look it’s the name of the film. good job guys

20:19 bond is so fucking lucky

20:35 oh look it’s a hot babe convention. i wonder what kind of conferences they have. how to be hot 24/7? bikini waxing for advance memebers? how to make your ass look nice while swimming underwater?

21:39 nice spray on tan ass hole.

22:18 why are most of the men here balding old dudes. hell i’ll be a balding old dude if i get to hang out in the hot babe convention

23:31 ok that’s official. worst q invention ever. a burglary system that makes the entire fucking car explode.

24:07 “…prepare to die”

25:22 i thought she was doing fine. you’re such a sexist bond

26:10 not a bad car chase though

27:00 i could really do without this synth music though

28:48 please don’t bond. this is bordering on pedophila

29:27 but you’re only half greek, so couldn’t you just get half revenge

30:06 “identograph” we really need to come up with better names for things.

31:27 80’S TECNHOLOGY! IT’S AWESOME AND HIGH TECH

32:52 at this point i can see bond and Q having tea together at a rest home

34:20 another checking into hotel scene. i’m riveted.

34:53 shit the hot water in this place doesn’t fuck around

36:44 this is at least a little interesting. the villain is introduced as a helpful contact. cool

37:44 “you’re pooped” ? not on the ice rink. go to the bathroom at least.

39:35 i would be using some mario world jokes here but it feels easy so i’m just going to point that out

40:37 you know guys you could have gotten off your bikes and just fought bond. he’s old know you have a chance.

41:45 i think a memorial should be put in place for all the innocent sled drivers, taxi drivers, maids, and bellboys that have had to deal with all of bond’s shit through the years.

43:33 ok now this is pedophila.

43:58 thank you bond. finally some self restraint

44:36 this chick has some real bad daddy issues. where’s dr. drew when you need him?

45:27 she’s american so she wears a cowboy hat. fucking of course. the british are assholes.

48:29 i honestly don’t believe for a second that this bond is capable of doing that. good thing these are fantasy films.

50:01 i’m beginning to think that the director really liked skiing. maybe a little too much

51:22 couldn’t someone be a little suspicious if he got shot in mid air?

51:58 wow, just wow. the music hear is horrendious

53:10 these people are just trying to eat, take your super spying some where else

54:11 if the music wasn’t so bad, and if bond wasn’t so old this would actually be kind of awesome

55:28 what is this guy trying to do audition for the hulk

56;46 and when she means she could eat him up alive that’s what she actual means. she prefers to cook them first and still the point has been made

57:33 jesus who ever these guys are they really want bond dead

58:04 not luigi. i liked luigi

59:26 more national geographic woot

1:00:17 the plot here is really one a string. people just keep trying to kill bond while he looks for this ship in the wrong ass places.

1:01:18 someone’s a bitch. i hate ball busters

1:02:15 has a woman ever judged a man by how well he plays cards? that’s almost worst than daddy issues.

1:05:28 ACTING!

1:06:18 A gentleman with a piss bag

1:07:43 awefully confident of yourself aren’t you bond

1:08:08 but of fucking course. can someone not sleep with bond please.

1:08:48 and tit the mpaa just does not give a fuck

1:09:41 BayWatch: Extreme Buggy Patrol

1:10:57 i feel like bond should show just a little more sympathy here

1:12:02 everyone knows who bond. maybe some one should beef up security at MI6

1:13:17 Oh shit albania. i hope liam neeson doesn’t show up looking for his daughter.

1:14:58 and no one saw them coming up. maybe their all high on their own stuff.

1:15:39 this feels more like a raid than a recon mission?

1:16:42 thanks for the lesson bond. kind of busy here

1:18:20 nice that was a really good explosion.

1:19:05 “you’re the best….around. nothin goina getcha down!”

1:20:10 A: that was kind of gory B: that henchmen was not scary nor ever did anything important.

1:21:07 bond that’s not a way to say hello and you seem over dressed here

1:23:30 if i didn’t know better i would now say james cameron was directing this film

1:23:48 god will someone turn this music off.

1:24:17 yeah guys i can totally see what’s going on here.

1:26:41 also they are using helium . i want squeaky voices

1:26:55 you said not to speak and now your quiping make up your mind bond

1:25:09 only eight minutes of air at that depth. well i wouldn’t fucking do it.

1:25:56 couldn’t you have said that in the sub bond and not waste oxygen

1:28:17 so you’re just going to keep talking then huh bond? well i hope you die cause it would be your own fault

1:29:25 cue jaws theme….no not that jaws the other one

1:31:06 i’m really tired of underwater fights.

1:33:08 submarine battle? yes please.

1:34:13 wasn’t it nice for the engineers of this sub to put all the wiring on the outside for easy to cut use. i really like those guys

1:35:50 YEAH JAMES! BE CAREFUL!

1:36:38 couldn’t you guys just have waited unstead of sending all those men in after them

1:37:40 “so should we shoot them?” “nah, let’s tell them up and drag them behind us in the water” “but i have a gun right here” “yeah but that’s boring” “good point, so we got any rope?”

1:40:33 this entire sequence feels really useless

1:41:55 i’m really thinking of a bond gadget that would be super helpful right now

1:42:30 if this villain actually is surprised that bond shows up later i’m going to tear out my hair. he didn’t even double check

1:44:28 Q looks good as a rabbi

1:46:10 as a henchmen i would want a little hazard pay if i was told to stand on a cliff edge like that

1:47:00 CUBA!!?

1:47:54 enter “i’m too old for this shit” joke here

1:48:58 i honestly don’t know how free climbers do this shit.

1:51:12 “i’m not going to go get help, i can do this on my own and get killed in the process.”

1:52:32 this is kind of thrilling though

1:52:48 throwing knives solve everything

1:54:17 what villain’s need to learn is henchmen placement. don’t put them out on the ledge to get killed put them in the room with the basket thought allows reinforcements to get into your castle easily

1:55:36 she really likes that crossbow.

1:56:17 i really don’t care about this girl skater sub plot. it serves zero purpose.

1:57:19 the guy in the back looks like demetri martin

2:00:16 lol she just keeps getting slapped left and right

2:01:10 old man fights are awesome

2:02:42 well thanks for showing up boris guess we don’t you anymore

2:03:34 bond really needs to start sleeping with women his own age.

2:04:43 that’s a parrot. and she is a horrible british accent she had